Jessica and the Joy She Brings

I started this post the second week of December, but as you can see, I didn't quite get it done...... Maybe now I can finally complete it. Here it is...


On the first weekend in December, our daughter Jessica was baptized. It was a very touching experience for me.


When Jessica was a baby, she screamed all the time. I don't mean cried. I mean SCREAMED. Nothing we did helped her. And believe me - we tried EVERYTHING. And she never slept more than 2 1/2 hours at a time. She also had reflux. And I don't mean a little spit up. I mean, "HOW THE HECK DID WHAT SHE DRANK TURN INTO ALL THAT??????" She's the reason we own a carpet steamer. The doctor wouldn't give her anything for the reflux because she had steady weight gain.

My husband and I prayed about her a lot because it was very difficult. We felt very strongly that she was not happy here. And we couldn't understand that because we always thought that all spirits wanted to come to earth to get bodies. We just couldn't understand why our little baby hated it here. But we just KNEW that she just wanted to go back and get out of her body.

Over the next year, she had some behaviors that concerned us. I thought she was Autistic because she would slap her head and pull her eyelashes out. She wasn't even a year old, and was displaying behaviors that I had seen in older kids with various issues.

I asked the doctor if she was Autistic and he laughed at me. He told me that there was absolutely no way to tell if she was Autistic at that age. He said symptoms of Autism wouldn't show until she was much older. So we just struggled through the issues.

This picture is named "Happy Jess". At about a year, she started getting better, in that she screamed a lot less. She still had major meltdowns, but she had many happy moments, too. There weren't very many happy moments when she was an infant.

And then when she was a toddler, she had BAD tantrums. I don't mean she threw herself on the floor and screamed for an hour. I mean she would throw herself into walls, grab at the skin on her body and pull until she scratched or bruised herself, and she'd pull her hair out. She would even have blood coming out of her mouth and I couldn't see any injuries where the blood could be coming from. I would ask the doctor about it (a NEW doctor) and she would say, "Every child is different. Don't worry about it."

Everyone kept blowing me off. But I couldn't take her to the park - guaranteed meltdown. I couldn't take her to the store - guaranteed meltdown. I couldn't take her anywhere public - guaranteed meltdown. When she started preschool, she had a meltdown every day after school. It finally clicked and I had enough information to go into the doctor and say, "It's when she's been around chaos." And the doctor said, "Oh - that's sensory. Let's have her evaluated."

So we did and she has Sensory Integration Dysfunction. They told me they don't usually see it this bad when the child isn't Autistic. She is both over-sensitive and under-sensitive. So she seeks stimulation, but can't process it. So unlike normal people, who receive input and simply process it, she didn't know what to do. So her way of dealing was to explode. Most people take in what they see, hear, and feel and when they process it, it all makes sense. For her, it just made her crazy.

She also had gross motor delay, fine motor delay, and low muscle tone. She had speech difficulties as well, in that she would answer a question with a tangent. For example, if you asked her how socks and shoes go together, she'd say, "You need both to go to the store."

What we didn't know when she was an infant, now makes sense. Her body really felt foreign to her because she couldn't process anything she was experiencing. She's had to learn how to take in things around her.

We started occupational and physical therapy with her and that helped immensely. Getting a sensory diet for her made all the difference in the world. We still do sensory activities with her to help her process the world around her.

The neurologist told me that depending on how her OCD tendencies went as she aged, we'd be able to say whether or not she was Autistic. I found that the more we met her sensory needs, the less OCD she displayed. So by the time she was six, which was the age they said you could really tell, she didn't meet the definition requirements for the Autism spectrum.

It's been a really interesting ride as she's gotten older. We've really tried to help her understand herself and teach her how to compensate. Sometimes it's really hard for her to keep it together. Things that wouldn't bother another child make her absolutely crazy. And once she's in that mode, it's really hard to get her out of it.


We rarely have issues anymore. She's done a great job of adjusting. We also try to give her as much notice as possible when things are going to change. Now when she receives input, instead of feeling anxious, most of the time she can process it enough to not have a meltdown. She's at a smaller school now, and that helps, too. She does much better in the environment she's in now.

Now that you know a little about Jessica's struggles, I want to tell about the wonderful things about her. Jessica has always been a very spiritual little girl. When she had just turned two, we took her to a live nativity. It was about 15 minutes long. We put Jessica and Wyatt in the seats right in front of us. I was a little nervous because I thought I'd have to jump over the chairs to get to them if they decided to get up and run around. But they sat very quietly through the whole thing. Right after it was over, Jessica hadn't moved an inch, so I leaned over and asked her if she was okay. She looked at me and she had tears streaming down her face. I was so touched.

She has always had a strong connection to spiritual things. It's really amazing.

She also has a very strong love for others, but especially for those with special needs. She was in Special Ed preschool and her best friend there was Joseph. He had Cerebral Palsy and he couldn't walk or talk. But he loved it when Jessica would pour sand on his feet in the sandbox. And he loved it when she would sit and read him books (pointing to pictures and telling him the story). When she meets someone with special needs, she doesn't see their limitations, just their spirit. She has such a sincere heart.

When she started kindergarten, she left the Special Ed program. And she's done well.

Jessica brings a joy to our home that wouldn't be here without her. It's an amazing feeling that you just can't help but notice. She is always trying to help others and make others feel good. She is so "outside" of herself, it's amazing. Most 8-year-olds don't focus that much on others.

Jessica will always have difficulties with some things. My only hope is that others will be understanding when she's struggling. She's so sweet and I just hate for her to be made fun of. It's happened before, but she, for the most part, hasn't been aware of it. She's so sweet and loving and happy, it's just hard to accept that she's going to be faced with the harsh realities of life.



When she was a baby, I really struggled with her. When I was exhausted and distraught, I had no idea that some day I was going to be so very grateful for having her in my life. She's one of the best things that's ever happened to me. She inspires me to be a better person. And I hope to be more like her.