I HAVE BECOME MY MOTHER

Really. We're just alike. And we can't stand each other. At least - during the holidays we can't. We drive each other crazy.

What?! It's only Christmas Eve and why should I already be feeling crazy?????

Tonight's our big dinner. Family should be walking through the door any minute. But I just had to throw in a quick post because I find it absolutely hilarious that I've become my mother, and I don't like it one bit!!!!

Merry Christmas!!!

My Favorite Christmas Story

One of my favorite memories of Christmas from when I was a kid was when my parents would ask us each year if we'd be willing to give up some of our Christmas gifts to help those who don't have as much. We always said yes.

At first we would buy gifts or clean up or fix up gently used toys. We did it with other families and we would all go to the house of whomever our parents found and take everything up to their doorstep, ring the doorbell, and run like crazy. Then, from down the street, we'd yell, "MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!!"

After a few years of that, my parents told us that most of the fun is in buying gifts for others, so we just gave money to those they found, so that the parents of those families could shop for their kids.

We've tried to keep this tradition in our family. My dad sent the following story in email and I just loved it. And I just had to share it.

SIMPLE WHITE ENVELOPE
It's just a small white envelope stuck among the branches of our Christmas tree. No name, no identification, no inscription. It has peeked through the branches of our tree for the past 10 years or so.

It all began because my husband Mike hated Christmas --oh, not the true meaning of Christmas, but the commercial aspects of it -- the overspending, the frantic running around at the last minute to get a tie for Uncle Harry and the dusting powder for Grandma -- the gifts given in desperation because you couldn't think of anything else.

Knowing he felt this way, I decided one year to bypass the usual shirts, sweaters, ties, and so forth. I reached for something special just for Mike. The inspiration came in an unusual way.

Our son Kevin, who was 12 that year, was wrestling at the junior level at the school he attended. Shortly before Christmas, there was a non-league match against a team sponsored by an inner-city church.

These youngsters,dressed in sneakers so ragged that shoestrings seemed to be the only thing holding them together, presented a sharp contrast to our boys in their spiffy blue and gold uniforms and sparkling new wrestling shoes. As the match began, I was alarmed to see that the other team was wrestling without headgear, a kind of light helmet designed to protect a wrestler's ears. It was a luxury the ragtag team obviously could not afford.

Well, we ended up walloping them. We took every weight class. And as each of their boys got up from the mat, he swaggered around in his tatters with false bravado, a kind of street pride that couldn't acknowledge defeat.

Mike, seated beside me, shook his head sadly, 'I wish just one of them could have won,' he said. 'They have a lot of potential, but losing like this could take the heart right out of them. ' Mike loved kids -- all kids -- and he knew them, having coached little league football, baseball, and lacrosse.

That's when the idea for his present came. That afternoon, I went to a local sporting goods store and bought an assortment of wrestling headgear and shoes and sent them anonymously to the inner-city church. On Christmas Eve, I placed the envelope on the tree, the note inside telling Mike what I had done and that this was his gift from me. His smile was the brightest thing about Christmas that year and in succeeding years. For each Christmas, I followed the tradition --one year sending a group of mentally handicapped youngsters to a hockey game, another year a check to a pair of elderly brothers whose home had burned to the ground the week before Christmas, and on and on.

The envelope became the highlight of our Christmas. It was always the last thing opened on Christmas morning, and our children, ignoring their new toys, would stand with wide-eyed anticipationas their dad lifted the envelope from the tree to reveal its contents. As the children grew, the toys gave way to more practical presents, but the envelope never lost its allure. The story doesn't end there.

You see, we lost Mike last year due to cancer. When Christmas rolled around, I was still so wrapped in grief that I barely got the tree up. But Christmas Eve found me placing an envelope on the tree, and in the morning it was joined by three more. Each of our children, unbeknownst to the others, had placed an envelope on the tree for their dad. The tradition has grown and someday will expand even further with our grandchildren standing around the tree with wide-eyed anticipation watching as their fathers take down the envelope. Mike's spirit, like the Christmas spirit, will always be with us.

May we all remember Christ, who is the reason for the season, and the true Christmas spirit this year and always.

Jessica and the Joy She Brings

I started this post the second week of December, but as you can see, I didn't quite get it done...... Maybe now I can finally complete it. Here it is...


On the first weekend in December, our daughter Jessica was baptized. It was a very touching experience for me.


When Jessica was a baby, she screamed all the time. I don't mean cried. I mean SCREAMED. Nothing we did helped her. And believe me - we tried EVERYTHING. And she never slept more than 2 1/2 hours at a time. She also had reflux. And I don't mean a little spit up. I mean, "HOW THE HECK DID WHAT SHE DRANK TURN INTO ALL THAT??????" She's the reason we own a carpet steamer. The doctor wouldn't give her anything for the reflux because she had steady weight gain.

My husband and I prayed about her a lot because it was very difficult. We felt very strongly that she was not happy here. And we couldn't understand that because we always thought that all spirits wanted to come to earth to get bodies. We just couldn't understand why our little baby hated it here. But we just KNEW that she just wanted to go back and get out of her body.

Over the next year, she had some behaviors that concerned us. I thought she was Autistic because she would slap her head and pull her eyelashes out. She wasn't even a year old, and was displaying behaviors that I had seen in older kids with various issues.

I asked the doctor if she was Autistic and he laughed at me. He told me that there was absolutely no way to tell if she was Autistic at that age. He said symptoms of Autism wouldn't show until she was much older. So we just struggled through the issues.

This picture is named "Happy Jess". At about a year, she started getting better, in that she screamed a lot less. She still had major meltdowns, but she had many happy moments, too. There weren't very many happy moments when she was an infant.

And then when she was a toddler, she had BAD tantrums. I don't mean she threw herself on the floor and screamed for an hour. I mean she would throw herself into walls, grab at the skin on her body and pull until she scratched or bruised herself, and she'd pull her hair out. She would even have blood coming out of her mouth and I couldn't see any injuries where the blood could be coming from. I would ask the doctor about it (a NEW doctor) and she would say, "Every child is different. Don't worry about it."

Everyone kept blowing me off. But I couldn't take her to the park - guaranteed meltdown. I couldn't take her to the store - guaranteed meltdown. I couldn't take her anywhere public - guaranteed meltdown. When she started preschool, she had a meltdown every day after school. It finally clicked and I had enough information to go into the doctor and say, "It's when she's been around chaos." And the doctor said, "Oh - that's sensory. Let's have her evaluated."

So we did and she has Sensory Integration Dysfunction. They told me they don't usually see it this bad when the child isn't Autistic. She is both over-sensitive and under-sensitive. So she seeks stimulation, but can't process it. So unlike normal people, who receive input and simply process it, she didn't know what to do. So her way of dealing was to explode. Most people take in what they see, hear, and feel and when they process it, it all makes sense. For her, it just made her crazy.

She also had gross motor delay, fine motor delay, and low muscle tone. She had speech difficulties as well, in that she would answer a question with a tangent. For example, if you asked her how socks and shoes go together, she'd say, "You need both to go to the store."

What we didn't know when she was an infant, now makes sense. Her body really felt foreign to her because she couldn't process anything she was experiencing. She's had to learn how to take in things around her.

We started occupational and physical therapy with her and that helped immensely. Getting a sensory diet for her made all the difference in the world. We still do sensory activities with her to help her process the world around her.

The neurologist told me that depending on how her OCD tendencies went as she aged, we'd be able to say whether or not she was Autistic. I found that the more we met her sensory needs, the less OCD she displayed. So by the time she was six, which was the age they said you could really tell, she didn't meet the definition requirements for the Autism spectrum.

It's been a really interesting ride as she's gotten older. We've really tried to help her understand herself and teach her how to compensate. Sometimes it's really hard for her to keep it together. Things that wouldn't bother another child make her absolutely crazy. And once she's in that mode, it's really hard to get her out of it.


We rarely have issues anymore. She's done a great job of adjusting. We also try to give her as much notice as possible when things are going to change. Now when she receives input, instead of feeling anxious, most of the time she can process it enough to not have a meltdown. She's at a smaller school now, and that helps, too. She does much better in the environment she's in now.

Now that you know a little about Jessica's struggles, I want to tell about the wonderful things about her. Jessica has always been a very spiritual little girl. When she had just turned two, we took her to a live nativity. It was about 15 minutes long. We put Jessica and Wyatt in the seats right in front of us. I was a little nervous because I thought I'd have to jump over the chairs to get to them if they decided to get up and run around. But they sat very quietly through the whole thing. Right after it was over, Jessica hadn't moved an inch, so I leaned over and asked her if she was okay. She looked at me and she had tears streaming down her face. I was so touched.

She has always had a strong connection to spiritual things. It's really amazing.

She also has a very strong love for others, but especially for those with special needs. She was in Special Ed preschool and her best friend there was Joseph. He had Cerebral Palsy and he couldn't walk or talk. But he loved it when Jessica would pour sand on his feet in the sandbox. And he loved it when she would sit and read him books (pointing to pictures and telling him the story). When she meets someone with special needs, she doesn't see their limitations, just their spirit. She has such a sincere heart.

When she started kindergarten, she left the Special Ed program. And she's done well.

Jessica brings a joy to our home that wouldn't be here without her. It's an amazing feeling that you just can't help but notice. She is always trying to help others and make others feel good. She is so "outside" of herself, it's amazing. Most 8-year-olds don't focus that much on others.

Jessica will always have difficulties with some things. My only hope is that others will be understanding when she's struggling. She's so sweet and I just hate for her to be made fun of. It's happened before, but she, for the most part, hasn't been aware of it. She's so sweet and loving and happy, it's just hard to accept that she's going to be faced with the harsh realities of life.



When she was a baby, I really struggled with her. When I was exhausted and distraught, I had no idea that some day I was going to be so very grateful for having her in my life. She's one of the best things that's ever happened to me. She inspires me to be a better person. And I hope to be more like her.

Holy Cow and Swamp Land, Batman!!!!

I know, I know.....I'm behind in my posting. And while you all might be very nice and understanding and try to make me feel NOT guilty for NOT having posted about my daughter's baptism and other things, I feel WAY behind.

I've just been totally slammed with stuff lately. And I have ERRANDS to run. And it's, like, pouring GIANT SIZED raindrops on ANT LAND!!!!!!!!

What the heck????????

So while I haven't gotten things done like I should, I have at least enjoyed sitting in my chair today with my Lanz Christmas nightgown while all my kids are thankfully back at school! Darn cold that Savannah got!

This post will assuage some of my guilt until I once again have some time to blog some things I'd really like to blog about.

One exciting thing to share - I've been asked to be a guest blogger on a couple blogs. One of them will be an ongoing guest spot and I'm so excited. I'll post details later. I'll be starting in January.

AAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! I just have to scream in frustration at the rain! There's a reason I live in Southern California and NOT the south. I wanted to GET OUT of the rain!!!!!! What is going ON??????? It's rained more in the last two days than it has in the last three years!!!!!! I'm not kidding!!!! This is INSANE!!!!!!!!!!!

K - I don't feel better, but I tried. The rain is seriously giving me the crazies!!!!

Do you know your Christmas songs????

Found this on a bulletin board. Y'all just might hate me for this. LOL! I've gotten a couple. Mostly, it just makes my brain hurt. Check it out:

This is a brain game to test your knowledge of Christmas Songs. The list below has a list of letters, which represent the first initials/letters of the words in the first line of Christmas songs. You have to figure out what song it is! For example, the line and song for OCAYFJAT would be Oh Come All Ye Faithful, Joyful and Triumphant - O Come All Ye Faithful. Good Luck, and have fun!!!!


1. HYAMLCLYHBL
2. TFNTADS
3. GRYMGLNYD
4. BWBRTGGNOWACTHTB
5. ICUAMCTGSOO
6. SNHNAICAIB
7. OTFDOCMTLGTM
8. DTHWBOHFLLLLLLLL
9. YBWOYBNC
10. JTTWTLHC
11. YKDADAPAVCACADAB
12. ISMKSCUTMLN
13. CSBSDIHS
14. HTHASGTTNBK
15. GGROBARWHFOHCE
16. OHNTSABS
17. AIWFCIMTFT
18. DTTSIAOHOS
19. SBSASUTTFM
20. WTKOOA
21. ITMWTOTY
22. IDOAWCJLTOIUTK
23. CROAOFJFNAYN
24. IBTLALLCEYG
25. OLTOBHSWSTL
26. SBRAYL
27. IBHFCYCCOM
28. WWYAMCWWYAMCWWAMCAAHNY
29. IHTBOCDTOFCP
30. IHABCWY
31. FTSWAJHS
32. JOSNLYETW
33. IWAHFCOAHWD
34. GKWLOOTFOS
35. UOTHRPOJGOSC
36. JBJBJBR
37. HHHHWTMBKRMYEVCT
38. JHTSBJRTTT
39. IRCSBICO
40. GCHABSTCRIT
41. CTTMPRPPP
42. OBGBYITFMAH
43. AWHHOHSSOTP
44. HAHJCITBTOTY
45. AIAMNCFHB
46. STNWTTLLDYSWIS
47. OTWOIFBTFISD
48. WCITWLTROMLIS
49. OCTOCTHATLSV
50. LTBPOEALIBWM
51. YBWOYBNCBNPITYW
52. YAMOMGYRAAH
53. WCITWLTROMLIS

Imperfections and Second Chances

I've been meaning to post about Jessica's baptism, but when I started the post, I wanted to talk about Jessica a little bit and I haven't had the time to really do that yet. So I will blog about her and her baptism, but it might not be for a little while.

So I thought I would post about second chances. It seems that there have been a lot of happenings in my life lately that have involved mistakes and opinions and judgments and hurt feelings.

I think it's very easy to be afraid to let people see that we're less than perfect. And it's very easy to be critical of others when they don't completely agree with us. I think I've been on both sides of that coin and I wish I couldn't say that. But it's true. I often feel judged and I judge other people. And I wish I didn't. Because we're all just hanging out - going through pretty much the same trials, just different specifics. I think we have WAY more in common than we think. And I think our commonalities can be found more in our imperfections than anything else.

I remember, growing up, that I just loved to be ME, with no pretending. When I was young, I didn't care what others thought of me. I loved life and ENJOYED it. And somewhere along the line, I became more concerned about fitting into a mold and trying to be something I'm not. I think, in the process, I've lost some of myself. Why do we do that --- get caught up in the person others think we should be instead of who we ARE???

I wish we could all just accept ourselves and others just as we are - with all our failings and idiosyncrasies. That we could just enjoy life and get over the mistakes that we and others make. That we could focus more on the second chances, instead of the mistakes themselves.

Wouldn't that make life way more fun??? I've been trying to be more true to myself. It's not easy. But I'm going to keep on trying. The true me is very forgiving. And fun. I don't dress up my words with frills to make them pretty - I just say what I think. And it's often the WRONG thing. (That's one of my most annoying weaknesses.) I struggle with being a good mom. I struggle with being a good wife. I REALLY struggle with being a good daughter. I get frustrated when things don't go my way. I have great ideas. I'm horrible at keeping house. And some people think I'm organized, but I'm really not. My life isn't perfect. And I need a never ending supply of second chances.

And I guess that's all that I wanted to say. Don't we all need second chances like that???

Why I've been a flake the last two weeks....

This is what I've been doing the last two weeks. I've been making pickles, olives, and croutons. I sold them in a boutique last year and sold out. I was given the opportunity to sell in the boutique again this year and I expected that I would have a successful day. However, this year, we had a lot less traffic, so I have a bunch of product left over.

I made Onion Pickles (like old fashioned bread and butter pickles), Mui Caliente Fire & Ice Pickles (super hot & sweet), Fire & Ice Pickles (hot & sweet), Fire & Ice Relish (super spicy sweet relish), Garlic Olives, and Garlic Croutons. I sold the olives and relish for $8.00, the pickles for $7.00, and the croutons for $3.00.

I would do a giveaway, but I can't mail them because they're canned in glass jars full of liquid and perishable. So now I guess I have Christmas gifts for all those I would otherwise have made baked goods for. Hope they like pickles and olives.......

P.S...........Tomorrow I'm going to post about my daughter's baptism. So my life hasn't only been about pickles and olives the last couple weeks. We had Thanksgiving and family visiting and my daughter's birthday, so it's been a full couple of weeks. But today was all about pickles and olives......thus this post. :D

What Women Can Do

got this from my sister this morning......

Whatever you give a woman, she will make greater. If you give her sperm, she'll give you a baby. If you give her a house, she'll give you a home. If you give her groceries, she'll give you a meal. If you give her a smile, she'll give you her heart. She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her. So, if you give her any crap, be ready to receive a ton of crap in return.

JC Penney: Beware of the Doghouse

Thanks to Melissa, I can now embed this on my blog. And yes, I sent this to all the men in my life. I don't think any of them will find this amusing. But their wives will all thank me. :D



Merry Christmas!!!!!

Be Nice to the Newbies

The day I met Lisa was our first day in a new ward in a small town in South Carolina. After Sacrament meeting, she came up to me and said, "Hi. I'm Lisa. My husband is the bishop. You're sitting in my pew."

You would think that this would be the axe to any future friendship, but you'd be wrong.

Lisa lived in a trailer on a family compound. Her parents, her cousin, I think her grandparents, and maybe a few other family members, all had houses or trailers on the family's land. Her family had been there for generations. At least four generations of her family were in our ward. It was a small town, and an even smaller ward, if you only counted attendance. If you judged by geography, it was a HUGE ward.

Lisa was the Nursery Leader. I was seven months pregnant, on medication and bedrest to stop early labor, and I had a 16 month old. She offered to take him in Nursery even though he wasn't 18 months yet.

The first day he went to Nursery, he went right in. When we got there to pick him up, he screamed and reached for her. He didn't want to leave.

Since people doubled up on callings, she was also the Compassionate Service Leader and she "made sure all the food came from clean kitchens" when people brought in dinners after the baby came. (Those are HER words, NOT mine. LOL)

Our new baby cried ALL THE TIME. And Lisa would come up to me and take her at church to give me a break. Lisa's oldest cried just like Jessica, so the screaming didn't faze her at all. And I REALLY needed the break because she didn't sleep, either.

Lisa babysat for me all the time. She only let me pay when we were going out on a date or doing something fun. If I had an appointment or something like that, she wouldn't let me pay.

She invited me over for dinner when my husband was gone.

She became one of my best friends.

Then we moved away less than a year and a half later.

I talked to her last year. She had finally moved away. The first thing she said to me was, "I've sure learned that I need to be nice to the new people in the ward." And I said, "You were nice to me!" And she said, "Well, that's because I liked you. I need to be nice to everyone."

It just cracked me up. She was a great friend to me when I needed one and she was always nice and helpful. She was a great example to me. And I never, in a million years, would have thought on that first day, when she said, "Hi. I'm Lisa. My husband is the bishop. You're sitting in my pew," that I'd be thinking of her and missing her eight years later.